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Your Emotional Intelligence Quotient is Key to Your Success Equation

Inspired by this week’s episode of the Moms Making Six Figures Podcast with Brenda Lee, Emotional Intelligence Expert, who believes in the power of identifying our perspective and pushing through our conditional gaps to tap into our mind’s subconscious.


Part of the human experience is suffering.  And sadly many of us have experienced that suffering at the hands of another person in our lives, whether it’s the negative comments made by our father-in-law brushed off as ‘just his personality’, a boss who always asks us to stay late making our work-life balance that much harder to attain, or a poorly timed “friendly reminder” from the HOA about the state of our lawn, all of this suffering is imposed by and met with an Emotional Intelligence Quotient (or in the case of suffering’s worst offenders, the lack thereof).  And while we all know the old adage rings uncomfortably true, that we can’t control others, only ourselves, by improving our own EI (Emotional Intelligence) we will change our own perceptions of, and approaches to suffering, and model, for the less emotionally intelligent, the common denominator in the happiness and success equation.


The theory of EI was brought to the forefront of American psychology by Daniel Goleman in the 1990s.  While the concept was widely accepted in the field of psychology, employers were reluctant to embrace EI in the workplace.  Now, however, research has found that emotional intelligence is not only foundational to achieving personal happiness and success, but that it is also the strongest predictor of workplace effectiveness.

Here are the five key components of Emotional Intelligence, how to improve your skill set in each, and how each component, when put into practice, can benefit your personal and professional life.

Self-awareness

Individuals who are self-aware can identify their emotions and the impact of those emotions on their thoughts and behavior; they know their strengths and weaknesses and have self-confidence.

  • Keep a journal— Journals help to improve your self-awareness. Spending just a few minutes each day recording your thoughts can begin to move you toward greater self-awareness.
  • + The pay-off: Your mental health. Uncontrolled and unaddressed emotions and stress can take a toll on your mental health.  Learning to understand, identify and get comfortable with your emotions in order to manage them will help you to improve both your relationship with yourself and others, thereby leaving you feeling less lonely and isolated.

Self-regulation

Individuals who are able to self-regulate can manage their emotions in healthy ways, take initiative, follow through on commitments and adapt to changing circumstances; they can control impulsive feelings and behaviors.

  • Hold yourself accountable— Easier said than done, but if you have a tendency to blame shift, it’s time to take some ownership. Make a commitment to, and a habit of, admitting your mistakes, and accepting the consequences.  You will have more respect for yourself, and quickly earn the respect of those around you.
  • + The pay-off: When you understand your emotions and you are capable of controlling them, you’re better able to express how you feel and to understand how others are feeling. This improves your communication and will allow you to establish stronger relationships both at work and at home.

Motivation

Individuals who are self-motivated work consistently toward their goals and have extremely high standards for the quality of their work.

Empathy

Individuals who have a strong capacity for empathy understand the emotions, needs, and concerns of others; they pick up on emotional cues.

  • Pay attention to your body language— An often underrated, but hugely important facet of how others perceive us, perceiving them, is our body language. Learn to control your own body language to prove you are someone who is truly empathetic and open, and learn to read others’ body language to get an accurate read of how someone truly feels.
  • + The pay-off: By investing time and effort to really pay attention to others, you’ll actually gain insight into your own emotional state as well as your values and beliefs. When we pay attention to others, their needs, and their overall well-being, we foster safety and establish trust in our relationship.

Social Skills

Individuals who possess strong social skills can maintain good relationships, communicate clearly, inspire and influence others, work well in a team and manage conflict; they recognize the power dynamics in a group or organization.

  • Learn conflict resolution— No one likes conflict, but it is inevitable. Knowing how to manage conflict and to successfully resolve it is essential to honing your social skills and finding success in both your personal and professional endeavors.
  • + The pay-off: When you are in tune with your emotions you are better able to connect to other people and the world around you. Your emotional intelligence directly correlates to your social intelligence; the greater your social intelligence the more your stress will be reduced and the more balanced your nervous system will be through social communication leaving you feeling loved and happy.

While suffering is a part of the human experience, it doesn’t have to define it.  When we take the time to invest in our own emotional intelligence, we benefit not only our own happiness and success, but we also become a multiplier in the lives of those around us.  By taking ownership over our own progress at home and in the workplace, we can reduce our own suffering and the suffering experienced and imposed by others.  The work is worth putting in for the reward, as psychologist Travis Bradberry notes, when M.B.A. students received emotional intelligence training (not a usual part of the M.B.A. program), “even after graduating from the program [they] had raised their [emotional intelligence] scores 40 percent.  They had trained their brains.  Practice doesn’t make perfect, but practice make things habitual.”

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Manage Your Mind

Inspired by this week’s episode of the Moms Making Six Figures Podcast with Brooke Paulin who believes in the practice of managing your mind and the small daily habits that lead to great success over time.


 In a world where we are inundated with more information and more access to it than ever before, we are faced with new challenges like ‘consumer fatigue’, information overwhelm and digital burnout.  The media and social media industries are designed to be addictive in nature, releasing dopamine or cortisol dependent on the nature of the content, that keeps us coming back for more and ultimately conditions our behavior.  Information, and the way in which we access it is not the enemy, instead it is our passive consumption of that content that can wreak havoc, particularly when we are bombarded with negativity, click-bait headlines, and divisive rhetoric.  Just as we fuel our bodies and health with nutrition and exercise, we must manage our mind and the information we choose to fill it with.

With nearly 69% of adults and 81% of teens in the US using social media, it is time for us to become active participants in managing our minds, our mental states, and our mental health.  Here are a few small changes you can make to be better prepared and intentional with the information and inputs you choose.


Reality Check

We would never let our children sit for hours on end, absent-mindedly in front of screens and we shouldn’t allow it for ourselves either.  While it may not seem like you’re spending that much time on devices outside of necessity, your Weekly Activity Report likely shows something different.

Start by taking an inventory of the current time you spend consuming content intentionally vs. out of habit or boredom.  Once you have begun to inventory your passive or active consumption tendencies, track for a day (or longer) every piece of information you digest with a “+” if it is beneficial to your personal life, work life, or overall well being, a ”–“ if it negatively impacted or took away from your personal life, work life, or overall well being, and an “=” for no impact other than time lost.

Seeing our habits in black and white allows us to see where our own struggles actually exist.  It takes five positive interactions to offset each negative interaction; is it any wonder we are more anxious, depressed, and lonely than ever before?

Schedule (and plan) Your Screen time

Self-monitoring and scheduling your consumption habits can change not only your perception of the information you digest, but also, your behaviors.  In 2018 the University of Pennsylvania conducted a study that observed the behaviors of 143 undergraduates.  One group was asked to limit all social media activity to only 10 minutes per platform, per day, while the second was allowed to use their social media as usual for three weeks.   The group that limited their scrolling “showed significant reductions in loneliness and depression during those three weeks over the group that continued using social media.”

As Brooke pointed out in this week’s podcast, “I don’t think that some of the top CEO’s, and, you know, multi-million dollar female business owners … I don’t think that they’re scrolling through social media that’s not feeding their mind. There’s no room for that.”  What would you be able to accomplish in a week of limiting your scrolling habits?

Empty the Junk Folder

Once you’ve taken inventory of the information and input you’re allowing in, and you’ve refined your mindless scrolling by replacing it with intentionally scheduled time for content consumption, get rid of anything that isn’t serving you, your mental health, your professional life, or your personal life.

Once you’ve emptied the Junk Folder, take note from some of the most successful people and follow suit by replacing what wasn’t serving you with content that does.  According to research, what makes highly successful people less stressed, happier, and more productive is scheduling their personal priorities before tending to other people’s priorities.  That goes for what you’re consuming too.  Instead of starting your day by checking email, dedicate an hour of your morning hour to be your Power Hour where you replenish your motivation with podcasts, books and curated content that supports your goals, challenges you, and leaves you feeling ready to tackle the day.  Ask your mentors what they listen to, what they read, and who they follow on social media to begin refining your palate.


In order to be successful in managing our mind, our mental state and our mental health, we must be intentional about what we consume and prepare our daily activity and schedules with discernment.  Just as nutrition is fundamental to achieving our health and wellness goals, so is the information we consume.  We avoid pitfalls of hunger by meal planning and preparation, and we can avoid the pitfalls of media and social media by planning and being thoughtful consumers.

“Before anything else, preparation is the key to success.” –Alexander Graham Bell

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Where Have All the Women Gone?

Inspired by the NBC News coverage of recent report findings published by Deloitte, in “Women @ Work: A global outlook”.


With viewership of Hulu’s most-watched original title, The Handmaid’s Tale, achieving record numbers following its season 4 premier nearly a month ago, it should come as no surprise that women are seeking an escape from their own overwhelming workloads –at home and on the job— via entertainment.  And yet, that ‘escape’ to a dystopian television series based on Atwood’s 1985 prophetic novel, that so closely mirrors the current state-of-affairs for women in the workforce, seems to be more cathartic than entertaining; the show and its themes giving voice to the ‘perfect storm’ awaiting women following the COVID-19 pandemic.  And while America is still a far cry from the fictional Gilead, the disappearance of women from the workforce is nothing short of distressing.


The Findings

Deloitte’s survey of over 5,000 women from 10 countries from November of 2020 to March of 2021, confirmed what any working mother has already endured throughout the pandemic: an increase in responsibilities at work and at home, taking a devastating toll on mental health and leading to burn out.

  • 8 in 10 women surveyed said their workloads had increased since the pandemic began, but so did their responsibilities at home.
  • Job satisfaction dropped by 29 points over the pandemic, “with women considering opting out of their workplaces –or the workforce entirely— in troublingly large numbers.”
  • More than half of the women surveyed are less optimistic about their careers than they were before the pandemic.
  • Overall, 57 percent of women plan to leave their workplaces in the next two years or less, while 21 percent say they will eave sooner than that, all citing lack of work-life balance.
  • Nearly 1 in 4 women are considering leaving the workforce altogether.

The Cost

The contribution of the female labor market over the past 125 years has been a major factor in America’s prosperity.  In fact, a recent study “estimates that increasing the female participation rate [in the American workforce] to that of men would raise our gross domestic product by 5 percent.”

However, women face significant obstacles in achieving their professional goals, made even more insurmountable by the pandemic.

  • The gap in earnings between women and men is still significant.
  • Women continue to be underrepresented in certain industries and occupations.
  • Too many women struggle to combine aspirations for work and family.
  • Further advancement has been hampered by barriers to equal opportunity and workplace rules and norms that fail to support a reasonable work-life balance.

According to Janet Yellen, a Distinguished Fellow in Residence with the Economic Studies Program at the Brookings Institution, “If these obstacles persist, we will squander the potential of many of our citizens and incur a substantial loss to the productive capacity of our economy at a time when the aging of the population and weak productivity growth are already weighing on economic growth.”

The Next Step

We cannot continue the devastating path we are on; the pandemic has wiped out the job gains women made over the past decade. Women now have an unemployment rate in the double digits, for the first time since data began being reported by gender in 1948, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics.  Women’s unemployment in April of 2020 was nearly three points higher than men’s according to Labor Department rates reported by The Washington Post.

Kimberly Churches, CEO of the American Association of University Women believes we should focus our attention on bills and legislation that are focused on: pay equity, practices in the workplace on flexibility and on access to care—like the Paycheck Fairness Act and the FAMILY Act.

Melinda Gates, co-chair of the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation believes we should focus our attention on the caregiving crisis, beginning with a national paid family and medical leave policy.  “We’re the only industrialized nation without one [a paid family and medical leave policy].  We also need federal action to stabilize the teetering childcare industry and to direct additional resources to long-term-care services and supports so that ill and aging adults have options besides relying on a mother or a daughter.”

Rachel Thomas, co-founder and CEO of LeanIn.org believes that remote work, as long as it is embraced correctly, will be key in maintaining the presence of women in the workforce while legislation and cultural norms catch up to the disproportionate caregiving responsibilities falling on the shoulders of women, one of the major factors in nearly 2.2 million women completely dropping out of the workforce.


While the US is a far cry from Gilead, our workforce may not be.  With women leaving reluctantly to be “stuck at home mom’s”, employers must take action to preserve an essential asset to our economy.  And the solutions don’t require a revolution; nearly a quarter of the women surveyed by Deloitte say, “better child care/caregiving support, short-term sabbaticals and better resources to support their mental health are the top three things companies can do to keep them.”  It’s time to get American women back to work, with the proper supports to stay there.

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Kindness Deserves a Seat at the Table, Whether in the Kitchen or the Boardroom

Inspired by the Harvard Business Review article, “Don’t Underestimate the Power of Kindness at Work”.

One of the unspoken challenges of working from home, working remotely, or working largely in isolation is the lack of authentic opportunities for social interactions with colleagues, management, and our professional tribe.  Many of us are seeing the lines of our home life and work life blur for the first time due to the pandemic, juggling the demands of childcare and Zoom meetings, and our working hours stretching late into the evening.  Our carefully established boundaries, routines and life as normal have been uprooted and our aptitude for kindness is essentially non-existent, all while our appetite for human connection becomes nearly insatiable.  We turn to social media to replace our face-to-face connections, which only furthers our inner turmoil and loneliness in a culture that seems to value division over unity with Keyboard Karen’s lurking in the shadows ready to add their vindictive two-cents to any, and every, post.  Is it any wonder that we have lost touch with one of the greatest attributes we can embody and the windfall of benefits therein?  It’s time to adapt to our new normal and to begin sprinkling kindness like confetti once again.


The Windfall of Benefits

With opportunities for ‘praise in passing’ limited by the pandemic, it is important to recognize the tangible benefits of kindness in the workplace.  A yearlong compilation of surveys conducted by Gallup found that recognition at work could help to, “reduce employee burnout and absenteeism, and improves employee well-being.”  Decades of research show that seemingly simplistic gestures like offering a compliment, words of recognition, and praise can help individuals to feel, “more fulfilled, boost their self-esteem, improve their self-evaluations, and trigger positive emotions.”  The affirmation offered by praise confirms our self-worth and contributes to our positive view of ourselves.

Next, the act of being kind contributes to our perceived sense of life’s meaningfulness.  When we are kind to others, it confirms our belief that there is more to life than ourselves.  These acts of kindness also change the way we see ourselves, as our reputation and esteem in the mind of others is improved.  We assess ourselves based on our behavior, so when we are kind to others we view ourselves as kind people, and therefore a good person.

Finally, giving to others makes us even happier than receiving from others.  In various studies, participants who complimented one another found that giving the compliment made them even happier than receiving one.  Compliments may seem trite, but the psychological steps taken to construe and offer a compliment are much deeper.  When we give a genuine compliment it requires us to,  “think about someone else—their mental state, behavior, personality, thoughts, and feelings.”  Thinking about others is a necessary step in feeling connected to them.  And this human connection, that we’ve all been desperately seeking throughout the pandemic, can lead to enhanced positivity in relationships ultimately driving our own happiness forward.

Bringing Kindness Back to the Workplace (Even If It’s Remote)

In order to create a culture of generosity and kindness within an organization, it is imperative that leadership leads by example. “By giving compliments and praising their employees, leaders are likely to motivate team members to copy their behavior and create norms of kindness in teams.”

Next, leaders can establish a time during Zoom meetings for a “kindness round”, close a call with an opportunity for employees to acknowledge each other’s work, or encourage a weekly “bright spot” submission in the weekly meeting notes.  Just a few moments taken out of the norm can have significant impacts on moral and social connection.  The key is consistency and an opportunity for peers to recognize one another publicly.

Finally, small spot bonuses, or tokens of appreciation, even if it’s ‘just’ a gift card for coffee or a thoughtful e-mail, can trigger the same psychological benefits of large acts of kindness without significant expense.


While we are busy switching loads of laundry, and prepping dinner between e-mails and Zoom calls, it can be easy to dismiss acts of kindness as frivolous.  But, if we can pencil in one small gesture of kindness a week, or a day for our colleagues, management and professional tribe, the overwhelming minutia of survival mode can begin to look a bit more like thriving for ourselves and others.  Our children are our best examples of unencumbered kindness, offering a hand picked dandelion, a smile to a stranger, or the last bite of their prized dessert.  Let’s become a bit more childlike and a lot less jaded; the world needs more kindness than Karen’s.

Corporate Time Work at Home

Is Time Your Friend? How to Move Towards the Life You Want!

Do you ever think to yourself, “Is this it?”

Wake up. Go to work. Come home. Play with the kids. Eat. Sleep. Repeat. Does this sound like your life?

On the one hand, routine is somewhat of a necessity in the life of a corporate mom – it helps keep the ship moving. On the other hand, there is the danger of never getting the chance to reach our full personal potential, and that routine becomes a rut.

As mothers, we are ready to do anything for our family, even if it means staying in a job we hate or find unfulfilling just so that we can pay the bills. Your intentions may be honorable, but eventually you will find yourself stuck in a seemingly endless cycle that leaves you feeling as though you’re not in the driver’s seat of your life. Instead, you are running endlessly on a hamster wheel. Days go by and blur together. Before you know it, a year has passed and nothing has changed. The goals you once had now seem impossible to reach.

Life can throw some unavoidable curveballs at you, and it may seem like you have no control over it – but most of the time, you do! Here’s how you can break that cycle:

Change Your Thought Process

This is YOUR life. Instead of wallowing in negative thoughts, take the time to acknowledge that yes, you may not have achieved your original career aspirations, but you can still do something about it. Sometimes things happen and it’s not always your fault, but it’s never too late to change your situation.

Psychologists suggest counterfactual thinking. This goes a step further than positive thoughts. For example, let’s say you’re not progressing because the job you have doesn’t pay enough and you are always behind on your bills. One way to look at it would be, “At least I have a job.” However, this will not prompt progress. Instead, shift your thought process to, “What can I do better?” or, “What solutions are available to me?” This type of thinking is known as solution-based thinking, which prompts action and progress.

Identify the Difference Between a Rut and a Routine

Do you remember what happened yesterday? Can you recall your feelings or what exactly was going on around you as you went through your day? If not, chances are you’re in a rut. Ruts tend to put us in “zombie mode” – simply going about our day zoned out and out of tune with ourselves and the world around us.

Snap out of it! Change your routine for a week and see what that does for you. This might look like taking a morning walk before you leave for work, getting up 15 minutes early to write in your journal, or ordering takeout one night and devoting the time usually spent cooking to a fun family game night. Slight alterations in your daily schedule will help you become more aware of yourself and your surroundings.

Leave Your Comfort Zone

“A ship in harbor is safe – but that is not what ships are built for.” – John A. Shedd

You may not feel fulfilled in your current job, but it feels safe – in a way. It pays the bills and offers some sort of stability for your family. Understandable, but what is it costing you?

Leaving your corporate job may feel scary. If you’re not ready to take the leap, start small.

Conquer Your Fears. New professional opportunities often loom so big they’re completely overwhelming, causing us to freeze up instead of taking action. Exploring your options doesn’t have to be a big deal. Have you always loved playing with images and graphics? Enroll in a graphic design class at your local community college. Have you always had a knack for sales and marketing and think you might want to go solo? Get your feet wet by joining a local professional association or meetup that’s focused on marketing. Want to spend more time at home with the kids? Take a week off work (use some of those sick/vacation days for once!) and give staying at home a try – it’s the perfect way to find out if you love it or hate it! It might be freeing, or it might be tedious – but at least you’ll know.
Stop Talking and DO it. Write that book. Go on that vacation. Take that dance class. Say YES to other interests in your life beyond work.

Work Smarter, Not Harder – Become a Work-at-Home Mom

The daily rat race may leave you feeling as if there simply aren’t enough hours in the day to get your work done and make time for the family, or even yourself. The truth is, time is limited. We all only get 24 hours in a day. Rather than regarding time as your enemy, turn it around and make time your friend. When you live a fulfilling life, everything else falls into place.

If your current job doesn’t fit your ideal rhythm, it might be time to explore other career options. Forget the excuses: working from home may be the solution you’ve been looking for. We at Moms Making Six Figures can help you make time your friend by moving towards the life you want. For more information about getting started on the path to your best life, call us at (858) 837-1505, or visit our website at momsmakingsixfigures.com.

Corporate Family Women Work at Home

What are Corporate Women Seeking? Balance!

It’s tough being a mom and excelling in the corporate sphere without compromising on family time. Let’s face it, when you have a high-pressure job and a team of people depending on you, missed family dinners, arriving home after bedtime, and traveling often—even over the holidays—often become the norm despite your best efforts otherwise. Before you know it, the work-life balance you were striving for goes out the window! That’s why more women today are leaving corporate America and opting to work from home.

We get it: Being a mom is more than just a full-time job, it requires you to be on-call and readily available 24/7—to nurse your children during that unexpected 24-hour flu, pick them up from a sleepover when they get homesick before the “sleep” part happens, stay up late with them to finish their science fair project—the list goes on. We also understand that most of us can’t just quit a six-figure corporate position with all its perks to stay home full-time and bring in zero dollars in income. That won’t support your family’s needs either!

Working from home is an amazing alternative to a full-time corporate job that actually allows you that balance that you’ve been seeking for so long. While working in your PJ’s may sound appealing (at least for the short term—trust us, it gets old after a while!), there’s a lot more to look forward to when you’re a work-at-home mom.

1. Set Your Own Schedule

Gone are the days of the 9 to 5 (usually longer) routine that forces you to miss out on your children’s lives. This time, you set your own working hours. This may not necessarily mean that your days will be shorter, but it does mean that you are now flexible enough to work at whatever time suits you best without compromising on family time. Are you a night owl? Well, now you can get in a 4-hour chunk of work during your peak hours after the kids are tucked in bed!

2. Work-Life Balance

With flexibility comes the work-life balance we all strive towards. The corporate world may cater to your career goals, but at what cost? As a work-at-home mom, you’ll not only be able to provide for your family financially, but you’ll have the time to focus on your family and yourself as well. Success is not only measured by your position on the corporate ladder, but by other aspects of your life—such as family, self-care, and friendship. Not to mention how you feel about yourself at the end of the day. Let go of that mom guilt once and for all!

3. Be Your Own Boss

Fed up with taking orders from someone day in and day out? As a work-at-home mom you call the shots. The skills you developed in the corporate world may still apply, but being your own boss forces you to develop a new set of skills that come with having to make decisions on your own, and that in itself can be very fulfilling. As the one who calls the shots, you’ll soon find yourself making swifter and smarter decisions, and you’ll develop savvier leadership skills. Plus, there’s the added bonus of being able to take time off whenever you want and not having to answer to anyone but yourself. That’s one perk that most women in the corporate sector cannot claim!

4. Potential for Limitless Income

No matter how hard you work and how far up the corporate ladder you climb, there will always be a limit to your income. Working from home eliminates these limitations. The harder and smarter you work, the higher your potential earnings. You can be a great mom and create financial independence at the same time. Break that glass ceiling!

5. Prove the Naysayers Wrong

“Moms have a hard time being entrepreneurs.” WRONG! Being an entrepreneur isn’t always easy, regardless of whether you’re a mom or not. But did you know that you actually have a better chance of being a successful entrepreneur because you’re a mom? Here’s why:

• Your children become your motivation. Once you have kids, your focus shifts. You don’t only have yourself to think about—you have to provide for your children, and that changes the game. Additionally, you have less time and probably less money to waste on things that aren’t important. This makes you more focused and more determined.
• Children force you to become more organized. Sometimes “winging it” doesn’t cut it. As a mom, you have to be on top of things, and that means keeping things in order. This skill will naturally filter into your work as well.

Are you considering leaving the corporate world to enjoy the balance of working from home? At Moms Making Six Figures, our priority is helping working moms take that step towards their dreams. For more information about getting started on the path to balance and fulfillment in your life, call us at (858) 837-1505, or visit our website at momsmakingsixfigures.com.